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Guild of Greeters _ The F'ni Farm _ Quote Of The Day

Posted by: racegirl Feb 27 2009, 04:14 AM

The site that is my home page has little quotes every day - some are thought-provoking and some are very funny, and I thought I'd share some of the better ones in this thread. Be aware that my sense of humour has been described as "warped" however laugh.gif

Today's gem:

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." Jerry Seinfeld

Posted by: racegirl Feb 27 2009, 02:14 PM

Today:

"If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." Margaret Thatcher

Posted by: racegirl Feb 28 2009, 02:17 PM

"Drive defensively - buy a tank." Unknown

Posted by: Ken Telinome Feb 28 2009, 05:01 PM

QUOTE (racegirl @ Feb 28 2009, 02:17 PM) *
"Drive defensively - buy a tank." Unknown


I love it! clapping.gif

Posted by: racegirl Mar 1 2009, 01:14 PM

"If you tied a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?" Anon

Posted by: J'iim Mar 1 2009, 03:33 PM

Hmmm... my dearly departed cat would have twisted like a pretzel in mid air, licked the butter off the toast, coughed up a hairball, and neatly landed on her feet. (seems like a rather complicated method of treating a cat for hairballs though.) whistling.gif

Posted by: Robyn Mar 1 2009, 05:05 PM

QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 1 2009, 01:14 PM) *
"If you tied a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?" Anon

This is known as the law or theory of "buttered cats."

The supposition is that since cats "always" land on their feet, and buttered toast "always" lands buttered side down, the cat-toast combination can only spin in mid-air, thus producing an anti-gravity effect.

Now, how many buttered cats will you need to harness to power your flying car or spaceship? laugh.gif

Posted by: racegirl Mar 1 2009, 11:37 PM

Toast for tea sounds pretty good to me right at the moment.....with lots of butter!!

Posted by: racegirl Mar 2 2009, 01:21 PM

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it`s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you`d like to have dinner with." Anonymous Woman

Posted by: Robyn Mar 3 2009, 12:31 AM

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." --Aesop



Posted by: D'anak Mar 3 2009, 03:24 AM

QUOTE (Robyn @ Mar 1 2009, 02:05 PM) *
This is known as the law or theory of "buttered cats."

The supposition is that since cats "always" land on their feet, and buttered toast "always" lands buttered side down, the cat-toast combination can only spin in mid-air, thus producing an anti-gravity effect.


OMG.... roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif .... Thank you for that.

I needed a good chuckle....

Posted by: Ken Telinome Mar 3 2009, 09:09 PM

QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 2 2009, 01:21 PM) *
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it`s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you`d like to have dinner with." Anonymous Woman


bash.gif Remind me to find the mathmetical proof that shows that women are evil.

Posted by: racegirl Mar 6 2009, 06:36 PM

Anything by Douglas Adams is fabulous:

"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" Douglas Adams

Posted by: Ken Telinome Mar 6 2009, 09:26 PM

QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 6 2009, 06:36 PM) *
Anything by Douglas Adams is fabulous:

"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" Douglas Adams


Douglas Adams is one of the most brilliant writers I have ever read.

Posted by: racegirl Mar 10 2009, 02:54 AM

"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." Steven Wright

Posted by: alaina Mar 10 2009, 11:39 AM

While growing up iwas contantly being told curiosty killed the cat. So i made up my own saying.

Curiosity is the key to success. it helps if you have nine lives though.

Posted by: racegirl Mar 13 2009, 12:33 AM

"There are only 2 enterprises that refer to their customers as users, and one is illegal." Michael Hammer

Posted by: racegirl Mar 19 2009, 03:34 AM

"Indecision may, or may not, be my problem." Jimmy Buffett

Posted by: d'rbeh Mar 20 2009, 05:00 PM

LOL... i love that one, racie...

well, not LOVE, so much as really like it a lot... wink3.gif

"no matter where you go, there you are!"

was always a favorite of mine!

Posted by: racegirl Mar 21 2009, 07:44 PM

"I am not afraid of dying, I just don`t want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen

Posted by: racegirl Mar 24 2009, 12:56 AM

"I look just like the girls next door… if you happen to live next door to an amusement park." Dolly Parton

Posted by: racegirl Mar 28 2009, 04:49 AM

"Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination." unknown

Posted by: racegirl Apr 2 2009, 01:02 AM

"The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end" Douglas Adams

Posted by: racegirl Apr 5 2009, 01:58 PM

"I've got ten pairs of trainers. That's one for every day of the week." Samantha Fox, The Sun

Yup, yup, yup... rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Ken Telinome Apr 5 2009, 03:33 PM

:doh:

Posted by: racegirl Apr 7 2009, 02:05 PM

"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have" Unknown

Posted by: D'anak Apr 11 2009, 12:01 AM

Hey?!?!...

"I resemble that remark" smile.gif ^^^

Posted by: racegirl Apr 11 2009, 01:09 AM

"We build (software) systems like the Wright brothers built aeroplanes - build the whole thing, push it off the cliff, let it crash, and start all over again." R.M. Graham, 1968

Should be Microsoft's catch-phrase....

Posted by: Robyn Apr 12 2009, 09:42 PM

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist,
but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
- G.K. Chesterton


Posted by: racegirl Apr 14 2009, 03:55 AM

From one of my favourite British comedians:

"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." Jasper Carrot

Posted by: racegirl Apr 29 2009, 01:10 PM

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't" Rhonda Hansome

Posted by: racegirl May 12 2009, 01:46 PM

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." Dan Quayle

(it wasn't only George Dubya who got the language horribly wrong.....)

Posted by: racegirl May 14 2009, 01:41 PM

"And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said,'A truck!'" Emo Phillips

Posted by: racegirl May 17 2009, 01:30 PM

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations." Unknown

Posted by: racegirl May 23 2009, 05:49 PM

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer" Douglas Adams

Posted by: racegirl May 25 2009, 01:37 PM

"There's one thing about baldness: it's neat." Don Herold b.1889

Posted by: Kon'Dor May 26 2009, 07:46 AM

Never, under any circumstance, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ( unknown - thank goodness ).

Posted by: racegirl Jun 20 2009, 01:44 AM

"I don`t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." Woody Allen

Posted by: Robyn Jun 23 2009, 11:36 PM

"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have
died out long ago." -Robert Heinlein

***

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water
there is bacteria." -Ben Franklin

Posted by: budgiemom Jun 24 2009, 10:12 PM

cool.gif Nice quotes, Robyn, but did Ben Franklin really say that about bacteria? I think he might have said, "animalcules" instead...bacterium came into use in 1838.... laugh.gif

Posted by: Robyn Jun 24 2009, 11:01 PM

QUOTE (budgiemom @ Jun 24 2009, 11:12 PM) *
cool.gif Nice quotes, Robyn, but did Ben Franklin really say that about bacteria? I think he might have said, "animalcules" instead...bacterium came into use in 1838.... laugh.gif

You are correct that Ben was unlikely to have used "bacteria", but there seems to be some question as to the origin of the quote anyway. Part seems to be from from an old German saying, and some of that goes back even further to Pliny. ("In vino veritas". In Wine is truth.)

Of course, Franklin is known to have "borrowed" a number of quotes from others sources. I suspect that someone borrowed some of this from Ben and "updated it", but at least left their primary source credited. smile.gif

What feels "weird" is finding yourself quoted in unexpected places. An AP news report some years ago somehow picked up something I wrote on another technical forum, using my exact, unusual, turn of phrase concerning the space shuttle Columbia disaster. Then more recently, while watching earlier episodes of "Big Bang Theory", a character says something very unique that I'd mentioned at a science fiction convention. It turns out that the writer was from this area and seems to have been part of the local SF fandom. Several of the characters are evidently combinations of people I've known. whistling.gif

Posted by: Robyn Jun 26 2009, 10:41 AM

On the Subject of Reality

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."
-Douglas H. Everett


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
-Philip K. D.i.c.k


"Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein


Stupid language filter won't let me use a very common proper name!!! ranting.gif

Posted by: racegirl Jun 26 2009, 02:38 PM

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" Robin Williams

Posted by: racegirl Jul 10 2009, 04:23 PM

"A trully [sic] wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." Unknown

Posted by: racegirl Jul 15 2009, 01:50 PM

"Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use." Mark Twain

Posted by: racegirl Sep 8 2009, 01:53 PM

"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." Vidal Sassoon

Posted by: MrM3FaN Oct 7 2009, 04:30 PM

I heard this one a long time ago but I can't find who originally said it.

"Destiny, chance, fate or fortune - they're all just ways of claiming your successes without claiming your failures."

Posted by: racegirl Oct 22 2009, 01:19 AM

"Banks will lend you money if you can prove you don`t need it." Mark Twain

Posted by: racegirl Dec 31 2009, 06:31 AM

"The true announcement of discovery is not Eureka it's "Gee that's funny"." Unknown

Posted by: racegirl Jan 16 2010, 11:28 PM

On the lighter side.....

A television can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

When in doubt, mumble.

Some people hear voices, some see invisible people; others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time people had to reboot their computer...oh wait, he does.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

Posted by: racegirl Jan 21 2010, 12:53 PM

"If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it." Kasspe

Posted by: lisilee Jan 25 2010, 12:00 PM

i like these quotes of the day........


As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called .........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'


2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.


3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring..

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.


5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.


7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.



8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.


9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'


11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way.

NOW GO HAVE A GOOOOD DAY...... bye2.gif


















Posted by: racegirl Jan 30 2010, 06:54 PM

"Eagles soar, but a weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine." Unknown

Posted by: racegirl Feb 10 2010, 06:04 AM

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

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