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Guild of Greeters > General Off Topic & Community Discussion > The F'ni Farm
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

____________________________ ______________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.


Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

LMAO Thanks for posting this, it's quite funny!! The workers at the Tourist Board must have been very bored when they wrote the answers to those questions. lmao.gif
Love these! Aussies have great senses of humor. I loved my time down under. clapping.gif

The Austria/Australia mixup is so true! While I was living/studying in Vienna, Austria, letters from my mom and friends would sometimes take a MONTH to arrive. And these had always been misdirected to Australia first! Gotta love the illiterate U.S. Post Office drones.
whistling.gif When I lived in New Mexico, one time got a letter from a place where I had ordered some product or other...saying they did not ship International.... huh.gif
Rex Havoc
Try living in Cuba.......... MO The looks and comments can be quite entertaining. Of course, when asked, I always say I'm from Cuba (insert long pause) Missouri. Never fails! lmao.gif I usually also tell them that is is just south of Japan (MO)!
roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif That was SO funny!! And I bet a large number of people would actually believe them!! shock.gif
Lord Chaos
Not to mention the folks who can say they're from USA... Japan. smile.gif
lmao.gif That was hilarious. Thanks, Cats.

Next time I am in Australia I am going to have to find Kings Cross bleh.gif

Kings Cross is right near Sydney and I grew up there from 3 to 5yr old I think BUT it certainatly changed now I guess

Originally a prestigious address where the wealthy built their villas, such as Elizabeth Bay House, Kings Cross later became the haunt of bohemian artists and writers and a ‘rest and recreation’ destination for servicemen and
is a wild mixture of prostitution and crime, with stylish restaurants and hotels. It has visitors of all kinds and although has some slightly run down areas has a certain quality to it as well.
Ahhh Elizabeth Bay - very nice. I like Potts Point also - just down the hill from The Cross, but not sleazy at all (or it wasn't last time I was there).
Those are so great! roll.gif
Laugh out loud funny Cats!! clapping.gif

I would say this is a small statement on the disposition of the people in Australia. I think it must be great to live in a place where answering questions in such a way is considered funny and acceptable. If someone in the USA were to do that, they would probably be fired! Too bad. The lighter side of life should be encouraged!!
yes, i can say definitely here in los angeles if there were to be responses such as those (even though they most CERTAINLY could be made of travelers from around the world), that person would be canned.

i thought they were hilarious.

and as my sister said, the only answer to a dumb question is a dumb answer... smile.gif

clapping.gif lmao.gif

Every time I think of King's Cross I think of the railway station in London. Didn't know one was Down Unda.
king's cross in london is where one takes the trains to the far north... it is a very busy station...

i'm more familiar with the holborn and coventry stops though... and south to the thames...
Well as most people know Aussies are usually easy going and carefree and take the micky out of ourselves A LOT on telly
or RL
so if you can laugh at yourself and not be offended you have something special
PS I didn't post all of the Q and A as some are not suitable for an "E" forum. whistling.gif
The Pet Shop Boys have a song, "King's Cross." Were they singing about London or Sydney?
English band so probably London (haven't heard it so can't say for sure, sorry).

Sydney's King's Cross is very notorious whistling.gif
LOL racie...

i can vouch for london's king cross being ... umm... how shall i say it? ... special?

QUOTE (Deem @ Feb 8 2008, 08:03 AM) *
The Pet Shop Boys have a song, "King's Cross." Were they singing about London or Sydney?

Being a Pet Shop Boys fan, I'm pretty sure they were singing about London. smile.gif

QUOTE (racegirl @ Feb 8 2008, 09:55 AM) *
Sydney's King's Cross is very notorious whistling.gif

Hmmm, sounds like my kind of place. blush.gif whistling.gif lmao.gif
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