You know those telephone agents, where when you call, you have to type in a certain number and this goes on and on? Well this one is a really bad telephone agent:

Hello and welcome to our hotline for people with psychical disabilities.

If you suffer from compulsion neurosis please press the 1 again and again and again.

If you are co-dependent please ask somebody to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know exactly what you want. Please hold the line so that we can track your call back!

If you tend to have delusions, press 7 and we put you through to your space ship.

If you are schizophrenic, please listen closely. A thin and light voice will whisper to you which number you should press.

If you are dyslexic please put this number combination down: 9696969696969696.

If you have nervous disorders, mess around with the keys until a specialist responds.

If you suffer from amnesia please give us your name, address, telephone number, your birth date, your social security
number and of course the maiden name of your mother.

If you have a posttraumatic stress syndrom, please press 0 three times, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-re-f-u-l-l-y.

If you are manic depressive please leave a message after the signal, before the signal or after the signal. Please wait
for the signal.

If you have problems with short-term memory, press nine.

If you have problems with short-term memory, press nine.

If you have problems with short-term memory, press nine.

If you suffer from inferiority complex, please hang up. People here are far too busy to talk to you.

If you are in the menopause please hang up, put the ventilator on, lay down and have a cry. You won't be crazy
forever.

If you are blond, please for God's sake press no buttons - you will only mess everything up...

Thank you for your call! Have a nice day...