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racegirl
The site that is my home page has little quotes every day - some are thought-provoking and some are very funny, and I thought I'd share some of the better ones in this thread. Be aware that my sense of humour has been described as "warped" however laugh.gif

Today's gem:

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." Jerry Seinfeld
racegirl
Today:

"If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." Margaret Thatcher
racegirl
"Drive defensively - buy a tank." Unknown
Ken Telinome
QUOTE (racegirl @ Feb 28 2009, 02:17 PM) *
"Drive defensively - buy a tank." Unknown


I love it! clapping.gif
racegirl
"If you tied a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?" Anon
J'iim
Hmmm... my dearly departed cat would have twisted like a pretzel in mid air, licked the butter off the toast, coughed up a hairball, and neatly landed on her feet. (seems like a rather complicated method of treating a cat for hairballs though.) whistling.gif
Robyn
QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 1 2009, 01:14 PM) *
"If you tied a buttered piece of toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?" Anon

This is known as the law or theory of "buttered cats."

The supposition is that since cats "always" land on their feet, and buttered toast "always" lands buttered side down, the cat-toast combination can only spin in mid-air, thus producing an anti-gravity effect.

Now, how many buttered cats will you need to harness to power your flying car or spaceship? laugh.gif
racegirl
Toast for tea sounds pretty good to me right at the moment.....with lots of butter!!
racegirl
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it`s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you`d like to have dinner with." Anonymous Woman
Robyn
"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." --Aesop


D'anak
QUOTE (Robyn @ Mar 1 2009, 02:05 PM) *
This is known as the law or theory of "buttered cats."

The supposition is that since cats "always" land on their feet, and buttered toast "always" lands buttered side down, the cat-toast combination can only spin in mid-air, thus producing an anti-gravity effect.


OMG.... roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif .... Thank you for that.

I needed a good chuckle....
Ken Telinome
QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 2 2009, 01:21 PM) *
"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it`s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you`d like to have dinner with." Anonymous Woman


bash.gif Remind me to find the mathmetical proof that shows that women are evil.
racegirl
Anything by Douglas Adams is fabulous:

"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" Douglas Adams
Ken Telinome
QUOTE (racegirl @ Mar 6 2009, 06:36 PM) *
Anything by Douglas Adams is fabulous:

"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" Douglas Adams


Douglas Adams is one of the most brilliant writers I have ever read.
racegirl
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." Steven Wright
alaina
While growing up iwas contantly being told curiosty killed the cat. So i made up my own saying.

Curiosity is the key to success. it helps if you have nine lives though.
racegirl
"There are only 2 enterprises that refer to their customers as users, and one is illegal." Michael Hammer
racegirl
"Indecision may, or may not, be my problem." Jimmy Buffett
d'rbeh
LOL... i love that one, racie...

well, not LOVE, so much as really like it a lot... wink3.gif

"no matter where you go, there you are!"

was always a favorite of mine!
racegirl
"I am not afraid of dying, I just don`t want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen
racegirl
"I look just like the girls next door… if you happen to live next door to an amusement park." Dolly Parton
racegirl
"Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts - for support, not illumination." unknown
racegirl
"The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end" Douglas Adams
racegirl
"I've got ten pairs of trainers. That's one for every day of the week." Samantha Fox, The Sun

Yup, yup, yup... rolleyes.gif
Ken Telinome
:doh:
racegirl
"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have" Unknown
D'anak
Hey?!?!...

"I resemble that remark" smile.gif ^^^
racegirl
"We build (software) systems like the Wright brothers built aeroplanes - build the whole thing, push it off the cliff, let it crash, and start all over again." R.M. Graham, 1968

Should be Microsoft's catch-phrase....
Robyn
Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist,
but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
- G.K. Chesterton

racegirl
From one of my favourite British comedians:

"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." Jasper Carrot
racegirl
"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't" Rhonda Hansome
racegirl
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." Dan Quayle

(it wasn't only George Dubya who got the language horribly wrong.....)
racegirl
"And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said,'A truck!'" Emo Phillips
racegirl
"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations." Unknown
racegirl
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer" Douglas Adams
racegirl
"There's one thing about baldness: it's neat." Don Herold b.1889
Kon'Dor
Never, under any circumstance, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ( unknown - thank goodness ).
racegirl
"I don`t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." Woody Allen
Robyn
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have
died out long ago." -Robert Heinlein

***

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water
there is bacteria." -Ben Franklin
budgiemom
cool.gif Nice quotes, Robyn, but did Ben Franklin really say that about bacteria? I think he might have said, "animalcules" instead...bacterium came into use in 1838.... laugh.gif
Robyn
QUOTE (budgiemom @ Jun 24 2009, 11:12 PM) *
cool.gif Nice quotes, Robyn, but did Ben Franklin really say that about bacteria? I think he might have said, "animalcules" instead...bacterium came into use in 1838.... laugh.gif

You are correct that Ben was unlikely to have used "bacteria", but there seems to be some question as to the origin of the quote anyway. Part seems to be from from an old German saying, and some of that goes back even further to Pliny. ("In vino veritas". In Wine is truth.)

Of course, Franklin is known to have "borrowed" a number of quotes from others sources. I suspect that someone borrowed some of this from Ben and "updated it", but at least left their primary source credited. smile.gif

What feels "weird" is finding yourself quoted in unexpected places. An AP news report some years ago somehow picked up something I wrote on another technical forum, using my exact, unusual, turn of phrase concerning the space shuttle Columbia disaster. Then more recently, while watching earlier episodes of "Big Bang Theory", a character says something very unique that I'd mentioned at a science fiction convention. It turns out that the writer was from this area and seems to have been part of the local SF fandom. Several of the characters are evidently combinations of people I've known. whistling.gif
Robyn
On the Subject of Reality

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."
-Douglas H. Everett


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
-Philip K. D.i.c.k


"Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein


Stupid language filter won't let me use a very common proper name!!! ranting.gif
racegirl
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" Robin Williams
racegirl
"A trully [sic] wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." Unknown
racegirl
"Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use." Mark Twain
racegirl
"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." Vidal Sassoon
MrM3FaN
I heard this one a long time ago but I can't find who originally said it.

"Destiny, chance, fate or fortune - they're all just ways of claiming your successes without claiming your failures."
racegirl
"Banks will lend you money if you can prove you don`t need it." Mark Twain
racegirl
"The true announcement of discovery is not Eureka it's "Gee that's funny"." Unknown
racegirl
On the lighter side.....

A television can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

When in doubt, mumble.

Some people hear voices, some see invisible people; others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time people had to reboot their computer...oh wait, he does.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
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