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Sorry, her mind wonder....... What were we talking about?
Rex Havoc
Giving nice gifts and being killed for it!! shock.gif
Thanks to a retired Air Force officer for sending this
"paraphrase" of a memorable public safety announcement from
Alaska Air flight attendants...

"I was flying to San Francisco from Seattle this weekend,
and the flight attendant reading the flight safety
information had the whole plane looking at each other like
'what the heck?' (Getting Seattle people to look at each
other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took
out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't
forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most
of it."

Before takeoff... Hello and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to
San Francisco. If you're going to San Francisco, you're in
the right place. If you're not going to San Francisco,
you're about to have a really long evening.

We'd like to tell you now about some important safety
features of this aircraft.

The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane
is... the flight attendants. Please look at one now.

There are five exits aboard this plane: two at the front,
two over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If
you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store
your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad idea.
Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest
exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In
the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll
be glad you did. (This is excellent advice, and something I
always do.) We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that
will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along
the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.

In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, these baggy things
will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose
and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag
won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, promise.

If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is
acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put
on your mask first. If you are traveling with two or more
children, please take a moment now to decide which one is
your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way

In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the
safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan
when I'm having my own personal summer. It makes a very
good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and
play with it now.

Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are
fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a
pulley thing -- not a pushy thing like your car because
you're in an airplane -- HELLO!!

There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is
also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming
from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put
you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two
smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.
We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold
on, let me check what it is .... Oh here it is; the movie
tonight is Gone with the Wind.

In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and
it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid
of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press
the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading
light. Please don't press the orange button unless you
absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection

We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank
you for choosing Alaska Air and giving us your business and
your money. If there's anything we can do to make you more
comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.

If you all weren't strapped down, you would have given me a
standing ovation, wouldn't you?

After landing... Welcome to the San Francisco International
Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the
captain's fault. It's not the copilot's fault. It's the

Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate.
At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the
gate. So please don't even try.

Please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift
clapping.gif Loved it... and it reminded me of the flight attendant speech I got on a flight from Texas (can't remember either south texas or Dallas, etc.) to Albuquerque, NM. When the fellow got to the part..."your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device, which will be really helpful as you sink into the ankle deep sand of New Mexico." wink3.gif

Now THAT'S what I call joy at work! laugh.gif
Similar to Robyns post.
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOSH!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

confused1.gif do you get the impression that I do?.......have these stories taken on the
dare I say it....
the aura of URBAN LEGEND shock.gif
Probably - but still good for a laugh anyways biggrin.gif laugh.gif

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
[She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.]
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' "
[Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.]
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"
[Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.]
"My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."
[Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.]
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
[This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!]
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.'
They started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
That is a wonderful interpretation. I laughed out loud laugh.gif roll.gif and had to share with my co-workers. I like the part

"My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.


He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Thanks gaia, that is so precious.... and funny! laugh.gif
I got this from a friend u try it just passing it along

okay, get a piece of paper, and number it 1-8!
>>Don't look down at the answers or it won't work!!!!
>>1. What color are your eyes?
>>2. Do you have long, medium, or short hair?
>>3. Is your hair blonde, brown, red, or black?
>>4. Do you want an outside wedding, or one in a church?
>>5. Would you rather have a dog, cat, or bird?
>>6. Do you like red roses, or white?
>>7. What's your favorite color out of silver, blue, or yellow?
>>8. Pick a number (1-10)
>>*~*~* Now Make 2 wishes*~*~*
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
>>Wishes! Wishes!
Click here to view a spoiler.

I wished that 4dak could spell better and have better sentence structure. oh well. wink3.gif bleh.gif
let me tell you all about a prank that my loving son decided to play on me which caused me to not to be able to use my computer for a day.

as many of you know i get on my computer mostly in the morning because hubby gets on it in the afternoon and evening. a couple of days ago i started my day off like i always do...
get up
make bed
turn on turtle lights
plug in twinkle lights
turn on computer
make coffee
feed dogs and cats
wash and brush teeth
get dressed
take dogs out front and let cat out
pour a cup of coffee
sit at computer read mail

i had e-mails from some friends a couple of bill notices and an email from dragonkin. he said that he had received something in his email that he couldn't open, which does happen sometimes, and he asked for me to try it on my computer since sometimes i can open things that he can't (and vise-a-versie).
i down loaded it to my windows media player and wait to see what it might be.
after a few moments it was done so i went to what type of commercial it was (we get funny commercials from friends that play at media player). all i got was a statement that sent me into a tissie. (remember i know nothing about computers)
i shut down all programs that were running and ran a deep virus check which took up my time on the computer. when dragonkin wakes up i tell him that what he has sent was a possible virus and he started to laugh. because of something that i had written here he decided to create that email and send it to me as a joke.
well it was a good joke for him and celtic. one day i shall pay him back for that little prank..... if my spooks don't get him first
I am sorry for the spelling errors and sentence structure. But I found it in my email box. it was sent to me by my friend. I didn't right the email but I probably should have checked the spelling before posting it.
Sorry, Gaia. laugh.gif I just can't stop laughing. roll.gif

Oh! and 4dak. I was talking about how you used to write in all of the stories in the past, the email just reminded me of..... MY WISH CAME TRUE!!! yay.gif yay.gif yay.gif

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,


Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of
cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens
the voice bellowed,


The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more,


She stopped, looked skyward, and said,


The voice replied,


(by the way.... it still isn't funny dragonkin)
I recently saw this one going around again.

Subject: Can you read this?

Olny srmat poelpe can.
Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs psas it on!! If not dleete it !!!
my math teacher has the same thing on his door.
shock.gif Wow!!! It was no tribble at all.
I didn't have any trouble reading it too, Budgie. Well, it is well known that we are smart people shock.gif

sprint.gif hiding.gif tomato.gif
Zen sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the windshield; some days you're the bug.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I can relate to this one.
New Englanders, forget Rednecks is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you live in New England.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in New England.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in New England.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you live in New England.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.

And, you know you are a New Englander when "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.

You carry jumpers in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

The speed limit on the highway is 55mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you!

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends!
Rex Havoc
roll.gif I resemble those remarks!! Having lived in Maine and being from Massachusetts, they sound perfectly logical to me!! smile.gif
If you have a long conversation with a wrong number, and only the first sentence is civil, you're from New Jersy.

Oh, and the speeding in a 55 zone, and being passed..... That's my daily commute to work. Only difference, when I hit the 70 zone, I hit 90 and everyone else hits 115. down.gif
i have 2 for you today
one is rather sad
the other information

Click here to view a spoiler.

Click here to view a spoiler.
Thanks for the warning. smile.gif cry.gif
Rex Havoc
Personnaly, I find Silly Putty, on an English Muffin, to make a fine breakfast... (After all, it comes in an egg, how bad can it be for you?!)
Green eggs and ham?
Some never make it home:

"New York Minute"

Harry got up,
Dressed all in black,
Went down to the station,
And he never came back.
They found his clothing,
Scattered somewhere down the track,
And he won’t be down on wall street,
In the morning.

He had a home,
The love of a girl,
But men get lost sometimes,
As years unforl.
One day he crossed some line,
And he was too much in this world,
But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.

In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute,
Things can get pretty strange.
In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute.

Lying here in the darkness,
I hear the sirens wail,
Somebody's going to emergency,
Somebody’s going to jail.
If you find somebody to love in this world,
You better hang on tooth and nail,
The wolf is always at the door.

In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute,
Things can get a little strange.
In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute.

And in these days,
When darkness falls early,
And people rush home,
To the ones they love.
You better take a fool’s advice,
And take care of your own.
One day they’re here;
Next day they’re gone.

I pulled my coat around my shoulders,
And took a walk down through the park.
The leaves were falling around me,
The groaning city in the gathering dark.
On some solitary rock,
A desperate lover left his mark,
’baby, I’ve changed. please come back.’

What the head makes cloudy,
The heart makes very clear.
The days were so much brighter,
In the time when she was here.
But I know there’s somebody somewhere,
Make these dark clouds disappear.
Until that day, I have to believe,
I believe, I believe.

In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute,
Things are getting pretty strange.
In a new york minute,
Everything can change.
In a new york minute.
Has anyone been to This site? I have just started to explore it so don't know the ratings of all the contents but this one strikes me as a global virus unleashed. Commercials included.
to bad i couldn't see the vid
but i could hear it
shock.gif I went to the Stupid Video place and had a blast...Remember our favorite Christmas lights video...It's rated #7.

Well, I was in a curious mood and ready for a song. This is for all you Gogsters who buy things on ebay...I just love the lyrics. Notice how many times Star Wars, LOTR and other sci-fi stuff shows up!

Ebay Video

Follow the instructions to see some cool, quite amazing illusion

Oh, and I saw some of those stupid videos, it's a hoot laugh.gif
confused1.gif Hmmmm....well, I saw the green dot and it rotated and then there were green dots between the pink dots. The pink dots never went away, tho. Maybe it was the old trifocals and all the scratches on them...but I kept seeing green and pink dots! laugh.gif
A new revision of The Cat User Manual.
Oh, now that is goooood, Robyn! Me wonders if our own cat2.gif has seen that one...
From today's In-Box:












A friend passed on a link to this video.


The funny thing is that I used to occasionally play a slightly earlier version done for Chrysler when I was teaching robotics classes. (Just to show that the stuff I was teaching was MUCH easier to understand, don't-cha know... wink3.gif ) This version also included a "Maintenance section", which was possibly even better. thumbsup.gif Unfortunately, I haven't been able to locate a copy of this version. down.gif

Even funnier is just HOW OLD this is! whistling.gif
A little history.
Huh? confused1.gif The only words I understood were brand names, Dodge, etc.
QUOTE (budgiemom @ Mar 24 2006, 11:53 AM) *
Huh? confused1.gif The only words I understood were brand names, Dodge, etc.
Ahh. That is more or less the point. You have someone using mostly meaningless technical mumbo-jumbo, and coming across like it's for real. The amazing thing is that he manages to do this with a straight face! lmao.gif

Of course, this is exactly how REAL technical jargon sounds to the vast majority of people who don't have a clue about what is being talked about... blink.gif wink3.gif
Yep, I've seen this before and I knew it was a techno mumbo-jumbo laugh.gif almost a Trek talk laugh.gif
QUOTE (Robyn @ Mar 24 2006, 05:45 AM) *
A friend passed on a link to this video.


The funny thing is that I used to occasionally play a slightly earlier version done for Chrysler when I was teaching robotics classes. (Just to show that the stuff I was teaching was MUCH easier to understand, don't-cha know... wink3.gif ) This version also included a "Maintenance section", which was possibly even better. thumbsup.gif Unfortunately, I haven't been able to locate a copy of this version. down.gif

Even funnier is just HOW OLD this is! whistling.gif
A little history.

This machine looks great, I am thinking to buy one for home smile.gif Any news when it will be available for customers ???? roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif
What is sad is I recognize most of the machinery. shy.gif

And we use Allen-Bradley products at work. rolleyes.gif

...Did he say "Soil Sinus"???

The dirt BREATHS!?

ANYway, if it wasn't for the techno-babble like speech, I would probably understand what he is talking about, since the controllers are used to regulate the systems of many machines, as well as robotic movements and pressures caused by the movement of the "fingers" of the robotic arm as well as the tran-comfret tension caused by the use of the ...okay, I can't do techo-babble.
(Yes, everything is actual here up to tran-comfret.)
*Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
*Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
*Maxine's Way *Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
*Maxine's Way *Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
*Maxine's Way *If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
*Maxine's Way *Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
*Maxine's Way *The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
*Maxine's Way *Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
*Maxine's Way *Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
*Maxine's Way *Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai. Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
clapping.gif I love it!! Leftover wine??? No such thing!! roll.gif biggrin.gif
I had to dump a year and a half old bottle over the weekend. down.gif

It tasted bad anywya, so I guess no real loss there.
but i cooked with it

(ok... rarely)
Rex Havoc
Is that cooking with it or, cooking "with" it! whistling.gif lmao.gif
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