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Guild of Greeters > General Off Topic & Community Discussion > The F'ni Farm
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UruBoo
roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif roll.gif

Serious, Cats. Your post made me realy roll on the floor... the techno one then.....
alaina
lol those are all pretty good. i really love the cats listening to music. clapping.gif roll.gif roll.gif
Shadowcats
Got this from my sis today

Idiots of the world unite


ME FIRST





And the SURGEON GENERAL says . .





Diversionary tactic.





Words of Wisdom.





A fortune to remember.






TIMOTEI AD






QUEEN OF THE BLONDES








What will I be when I grow up?
This is just too priceless not to share!








If you don't pass this along, a dog will come out and pee on your computer!






I guess you didn't send it fast enough!






There may have been times when I may have;
Disturbed you,
Troubled you,
Pestered you,
Irritated you,
Bugged you , or
Got on your nerves with all the emails I send,

So today I just wanna tell you that...







I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!


SandiSue
Hahahaha! Cats, you made my day. bleh.gif
budgiemom
laugh.gif Loved it!!!....I like the bomb technician one the best....ehehehe! Thanks, SC!!
Shadowcats
Happy Birthday MOM clapping.gif
gaiasmaiden
that made my day a little better
thanks cats
Shadowcats
Some more

When Cloning Goes Wrong...

























Shadowcats
When Cloning Goes Wrong... Part 2 as they wont fit in one post.





















Rex Havoc
I think I have one of those frogs in my pond...
alaina
awesome pics they look so weird but real. keep treasures like these coming. bye2.gif
racegirl
Sent to me by my favourite niece (she's 3 years younger than me):


Ohhhhh BOY ! ! .....What it IS TO BE A KIWI


Only in NZ can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



Only in NZ do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their panadol, lemsip etc while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.



Only in NZ do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.



Only in NZ do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.



Only in NZ do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.



Only in NZ do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



Only in NZ are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.



NOT TO MENTION...



1 New Zealander dies each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.



42 New Zealanders were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.



22 New Zealanders are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.



5 New Zealanders have died since 1994 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.



New Zealand Hospitals reported 2 broken or dislocated arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.



Around 50 New Zealanders are burnt each year ironing their clothes while still wearing them



9 New Zealanders had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new tops with a lit cigarette in their mouth.



A massive 143 New Zealanders were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth



And finally...



In 2003---14 New Zealanders were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.



If you're proud to be a Kiwi send this on! ........ Well ! I'm PROUD TO HAVE SURVIVED BEING ONE ! ...........
alaina
now those are pretty good. some of those could apply to those of us from the south here in the USA lol.
Dragonkin
QUOTE
22 New Zealanders are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.


Hey! I resemble that remark!
J'iim
I take exception to the phrase, Only in NZ. I'll match US idiots with NZ idiots any day of the week.

Only in USA do people turn being more stupid than the rest of the world into a virtue.
Le'ah
plastic bags
gaiasmaiden
every time i try to view this i get



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it is going to drive me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif verymad.gif
L'lee
gaia, I think the link is most likely not to what she intended... I wonder if it's meant to link to a gallery picture somewhere... confused1.gif
Le'ah
Here is the link...I probably didn't do it right.


http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/...EDIA02/80505016










alaina
wow i didnt know they had that much effect on the world. ive been bringing my plastic bags back to walmart where i work. they do a recylce bale of plastic twice a day. at my store. plus i had been using cloth bags the last two times ive gone shopping. they hold more and dont flip over and spill all your stuff everywhere lol. clapping.gif thanks for the info.
JoSmiley
Okay...here's what just came in my email:

THE COCHRANE MURAL

LOOK CLOSELY BY CLICKING ON ANY TILE OF THE MURAL

For those not living in the Canada, Cochrane is NW of Calgary and east of Banff, in the foothills of the Rockies.

This mural was unveiled last week at the Cochrane Ranch House.

Each tile is 1 foot square, is it's own individual picture and each is by a different artist. All of them together form this huge mural. You can click on each of the tiles to see them in detail.

The Cochrane Mural
racegirl
Wow....that's just stunning, Jo!! clapping.gif

Clean the inside of your computer
Rex Havoc
Ewwww, where is the Windex?! lmao.gif
alaina
All have to say is neat that mural is so awesome.


As for the next email Awe to cute if slobbery. clapping.gif
Robyn
This might have already been posted here somewhere some time ago, but... wink3.gif


WALKING THE DOG

A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'

Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! cool.gif
budgiemom
laugh.gif Yup, heard that one before somewhere!!! It's one of my favorites!!! cool.gif
Robyn
This link showed up in my mail today... Aimed more at the Matrix/Techie crowd.
The Matrix Runs On Windows cool.gif
L'lee
QUOTE (Robyn @ Nov 11 2008, 11:58 PM) *
This link showed up in my mail today... Aimed more at the Matrix/Techie crowd.
The Matrix Runs On Windows cool.gif

Hubby watched that one over my shoulder... he was impressed! He belly-laughed the whole time... lmao.gif
budgiemom
laugh.gif ..... clapping.gif Thanks, I needed that!!!! Very well done!
Rex Havoc
OMG! What a riot! It was really well done, too!!
Robyn
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST
ANYMORE


I do so love the application of simple logic in solving a problem!

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up
to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden
shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back
door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed
stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No,'
but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me'.
Then the police dispatcher said 'All patrols are busy. You should lock
your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.'

George said, 'Okay.' He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he
phoned the police again.

'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now
because I just shot them.' and he hung up.


Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said
to George, 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'

George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

(True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people.
Robyn
Rube Goldberg Lives!
I particularly like the chessboard part... rolleyes.gif
Rex Havoc
Oh wow!!! That is amazing! The one phone calling the other is pretty amazing, too. You could have a set-up that bridged continents!!
Rex Havoc
Here is another Rube-esque something!

DUTCH DEPARTMENT STORE

HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam. Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands. Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything; just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. Don't click on any of the products pictured, just wait and see what happens. Have your sound turned up. This company has a sense of humour and a great computer programmer.

HEMA
racegirl
clapping.gif That is so cool, Rex!!! Really made me smile! biggrin.gif
budgiemom
shock.gif Loved it!!! laugh.gif clapping.gif
L'lee
QUOTE (Robyn @ Dec 4 2008, 07:32 PM) *
Rube Goldberg Lives!
I particularly like the chessboard part... rolleyes.gif

Now, that is a truly amazing machine!! I wanna know how they got those letters to swirl into the window at the end all by themselves, though! wink3.gif bleh.gif
alaina
that was to cute lol. bye2.gif clapping.gif
Robyn
Something for the season... Remember those cartoon scenes where you know something is tunneling underground by the collapsing trail it leaves? Just watch... Snow Dog
Le'ah
Funny Signs...
IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car!
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
SPOTTED ON A SIGN IN SCOTLAND: Eat here and you'll never live to regret it.
Robyn
I was sent an actual copy of the following slideshow, but managed to find a link to an on-line version.
Slideshow

I suspect that some of the Guild of Writers might be able to find inspiration from a few of these shots. smile.gif
I know that I wouldn't care to try that last bicycle trail! shock.gif
budgiemom
shock.gif Did you see the big crack in the rock on that last slide??!!!
Robyn
QUOTE (budgiemom @ Dec 12 2008, 01:22 PM) *
shock.gif Did you see the big crack in the rock on that last slide??!!!
Yes, and the rider is "bouncing" the front wheel on it! shock.gif Nope, definitely wouldn't want to ride on that trail, and would probably want safety ropes between people if hiking! Many of those rock ledges looked unstable. unsure.gif
Rex Havoc
I doubt I would even be able to walk on it! No way, for sure, on that wooden plank thing stuck to the rock face!
alaina
i have a major fear of heights. i think im gonna need some major recovery drugs after seeing that oh lord lol. just kidding about the drugs part anyway. if i was asked on that trip id say no way hosey lol. neat all of it was defenitly neat. bye the way i just caught on to rex's avvie lol. thats how unobservant i can be. still neat pics bye2.gif
kurtg1265
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day


When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
Snerticus
Lol Kurt! smile.gif

I've heard that before, but forgot about it until now... thanks for posting it!

laugh.gif
Snerticus
I guess I should post something here, too. This one was for Thanksgiving, but I guess it's appropriate this time of year too. It may have been on here years ago, but I just got it again in my email recently.

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's
mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he
could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even
ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him
in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door
to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said,
'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior.'

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued, 'May I ask what the turkey did?'


Rex Havoc
LOL, perception is everything!
Mari
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine. . .and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. (that's over 2 pounds).

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of ###### .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

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